Marriage (335)

Wow. First of all, I’d like to take back what I said in my earlier post about not agreeing with everything that Voddie had to say in this study. I misunderstood one of his points which is why I said that in the first place, and I’ll elaborate on that more in a bit.

We went through a set of DVDs featuring Dr. Voddie Baucham speaking at a conference about his book, What He Must Be…If He Wants to Marry My Daughter. This was an awesome study for anyone – you don’t have to be a guy looking for a wife or a parent to get something out of it – I think it’s practical for any and every Christian.

The first night was entitled “The Bible and the Father’s Role.” A Christian father is expected to: be a godly example, give instructions, provide, protect, serve and maintain peace in his household. There were more, but I didn’t get a chance to write them down! I’ll have to check back at the book. The jobs that we ventured into the most were protection and provision.

When most of us think of protection, we think of physical protection…”would he take a bullet for me?” and yes, that is part of it, but the role of a protector is so much more than that. A father is responsible for protecting his daughter’s purity and her heart as well as protecting her from physical harm.

A father is also called to provide for his wife and children. In a later session, Voddie mentioned that we often think that to be “the provider” the man needs to have a degree, have an amazingly huge paycheck and be able to afford anything you can dream of. The definition of “provider” that Voddie gives is a man who 1) has a job, 2) has a good work ethic and 3) has some sort of savings. While this is a very important part of a father’s job, Voddie mentioned that many men believe that as long as he is working and bringing home money for his wife and children, he can opt out of any other fatherly duties, which is a complete lie!

The following morning was about “The Ministry of Marriage.” This is where I thought I disagreed with Voddie. One of his statements was “we need to be preparing our children for marriage, and preparing them for marriage at a young age.” My initial thought was that he was saying that everyone should marry young, and while I don’t believe that it’s wrong to marry young (Hello! I’m 19 ;)) I definitely do not think that it’s for everyone. What he meant by this was that you should have your children prepared for marriage at an early age – familiar with the roles of a husband and wife and ready to take them up if in fact they do get married. Voddie talked about how this is such a valuable lesson to learn, and is crucial if the child does get married, and will not hinder him if he doesn’t.

Another topic mentioned in this session was the reasons (excuses) that Christians have for not getting married. He mentioned:

1)      “The pious argument” – When you marry, it’s harder to serve the Lord. This is just bogus! Like the title implies, marriage (if done correctly) is a ministry in itself! What is to keep you from serving in your family, in your church and in other areas of your life? Marriage certainly won’t!

2)      “The textual argument” – “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.” 1 Corinthians 7:8.  This passage was simply taken out of context. I’ve not checked this out myself, (but I plan to) but Voddie was saying that in this instance, the people that Paul was writing to were going through some very severe trials and that marriage probably wasn’t the best thing to get into at the time. It wasn’t going to make the situation any better. This was not to be used as an excuse not to marry

3)      “The theological argument” – Jesus never married. True, Jesus never married, but we must remember that Christ is the Bridegroom! He is the ultimate picture of marriage that our human version was modeled after.

This is not to say that because you don’t marry, you’re not a good Christian. Marriage is not spiritually superior to singleness. In fact, some people were given the gift of singleness. Voddie clarified that if a person is given this gift, it’s the gift of singleness as a permanent status.

The third session, “He Must be a Follower of Christ” was an excellent presentation of the Gospel. It just amazes me every time I hear it. The point here was that a couple is not to be unequally yoked. A Christian must not marry an unbeliever. Voddie mentioned several things that people think that they hear when this is brought up: He must be a “good guy,” he must be a churchgoer, he must have “walked an aisle and prayed ‘the prayer’ at some point.” While these things may be true of a believer, they can not be the only things that define that person’s faith. A Christian man will be:

1)      Regenerated - a sovereign work of God. We have nothing to do with it. God chooses us – we don’t choose Him

2)      Repentant - not simply praying for forgiveness of sins and then going on in the same path, it’s actually turning in the opposite direction.

3)      Reformed - a subjective change brought on by the grace of God.

The very last session was the easiest to apply, I thought. It went through “The Four P’s”

1)      Priest – A man who will be a shepherd for his wife.

2)      Prophet – A man who washes his wife with the water of the word.

3)      Provider – I kind of mentioned this before, but the importance of this role is not the dollar amount of his paycheck, but just that he is able to provide food and shelter for his wife. One thing that Voddie mentioned here was that we tend to be “classist” by saying that you have to be able to afford a big house or lots of cars, or luxury in order to get married. He says that by saying this, you are forbidding the lower class from getting married. I thought that was an interesting thought.

4)      Protector – This man places himself between his family and anything that may harm them. Voddie posed the question: how can you tell if a young man is a protector if he doesn’t have a family to protect yet?! A man who is a protector will be a man of personal strength, wisdom and courage.

This was a great study to go through. I had a lot of good discussions with people from many different backgrounds and it was interesting to see their take on it. For me, it was nice to see everything all in one place and it definitely made me very thankful for my father as he raised me like this. I’m also very proud of Michael for being willing to take up such a huge responsibility. It makes me even more excited to get married! I know he’ll do a great job.